Bella's Beautiful Toddlers
by BipolarSprinkles
Summary: Bella is caught in a horrible situation. She is pregnant and unfaithful. Please read :  bahah
1. Chapter 1

Bella's Beautiful Toddlers

Bella sat on the couch watching Toddlers and Tiaras.. Her belly was huge. Almost as big as the 'Octomom'. Bella would be delivering in a few days and Edward had left to Las Vegas. 

Bella was angry but knew she had problems too…not only was she addicted to watching horrible re-runs of Full House and Toddlers and Tiaras she was not carrying Edward's baby. 

She was carrying her other lover's babyame was Marcus, and he was at a local gas station. Bella always knew opposites attracted. Marcus had long hippie like hair and brown eyes, but Bella was attracted to Marcus. She couldn't tell Edward though.. She would wait until the baby was popped out. Then, she would be forced to tell him the 'horrible' news. 

What Bella didn't know was that Edward was really at Forks hospital with Carlisle, getting checked for AIDS. An unfortunate mistake at Jacob's house caused the horrible accident. Before Edward knew it he had been rushed to the hospital for his deadly AIDS disease.

Bella had slowly become immune to the disease after screwing Marcus so many times. It had just become a part of her and no longer affected her health. Poor Edward, though, had explosive bowel problems and kept singing Justin Bieber songs. It was pure torture. 

Stupid Bella, though, just stayed at home, watching her show and wishing desperately that she could be like Danielle from Toddlers and Tiaras. She was so pretty, it made her want to cry. Alice suddenly hopped from downstairs with an emo looking Jasper behind her. 

Jasper had been suffering from depression and was currently taking Cymbalta. Jasper always carried a knife with him because he had fantasies of cutting himself 24/7. 

(Suspenseful music)

Bella greeted Alice even though she hated her and dreamed of baking/frying her. Then, out of know where Alice accidentally fell and stabbed Bella right about her bubbly stomach. 

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?" Bella screamed.

"Suck it up…accidents happen…**like how you were born**. By the way, you aren't British," Alice snickered. Bella grabbed some duct tape from Edward's 'fun box' and taped her stomach. 

Jasper stared longingly at Bella. It was starting to freak her out. A LOT. Alice suddenly exploded into sprinkles and disappeared, leaving her and Jasper alone. Jasper was still staring at her stomach…

(Suspenseful music) 

Suddenly, Jasper ran over, grabbed the roll of duct tape from her, and ran out, clutching it to his chest.

"MY BABY! DON'T YOU EVER FREAKING TOUCH IT AGAIN BELLA! YOU FILTHY WHORE!" He spat at her face, then pissed on her, and ran out crying. 

Bella frowned. How could he say that to her? She began to ponder this, unaware of the giant fountains of blood spewing from her stomach. 

Meanwhile, back at the hospital, Edward was tested positive for about 27 STD's. Carlisle sighed. "I'm sorry son, but you didn't beat Miley Cyrus. The beeyotch has over a hundred." He patted his son's shoulder and left. Edward wanted to cry, but all of a sudden Lady Gaga walked in the room half naked. 

She was carrying a mysterious colorful box. Edward focused in on her for those two reasons, but not realizing what was about to go down. As she passed by Edward felt this pain in his eyes. He started screaming in agony. Lady Gaga had just thrown sprinkles into his eyes.

"Alejandro, Alejandro…" Lady Gaga sang as she pushed Edward onto the floor and began throwing more and more sprinkles. He cried and prayed silently for forgiveness. 

After the horrific assault Lady Gaga left in an egg. Edward was rushed into the ICU. The sprinkles were stuck in his eyes and could potentially cause blindness or kidney failure. The doctor ended up having a phone call and couldn't work on his eyes immediately. She talked for awhile as Edward screamed in agony.

As a result, some of Edward's eyes were permanently stained with pink, blue, and a salmon color..I guess you could call it that.

Bella on the other hand collapsed on the couch and was suffering from random depression(known as rd). Jacob, her other lover, had died from sky diving…he had forgotten his parachute. Bella felt guilty because she forgot to give it to him as he jumped out of the plane, spiraling towards his death.

All of a sudden Makenzie from Toddlers and Tiaras sent Bella a giant cloud of nini's and she immediately went into birth. Bella thrashed around on the floor as her stomach began to erupt. She was birthing herself. Bella knew she had to get to the hospital or her precious babies would perish. She crawled along the wall, holding onto a life-size poster of Justin Bieber, and wondering if she recorded the upcoming Toddlers and Tiaras.

As she made it outside a car swerved from the road and ran over her hands.

Written by friends and I. 

To Be Continued…


	2. Chapter 2

…..

The car ran over both of her hands and then she saw the driver. It was none other than Miley Cyrus!

Bella watched as Miley drove on unaware that she had just swerved ten feet off the road and ran over Bella's wrinkly hands.

"WHY? WHY? WHY NOW I CAN'T RECORD MY FAVORITE EPISODES! CURSE YOU AND YOUR MOTHER." Bella cried maniacally.

Just as Bella stood up the train from the 'Unstoppable' came rushing by nearly missing her. On board was Danielle from Toddlers and Tiaras!

Bella chased after if but realized it was unstoppable…Her dreams of meeting her idol were crushed like Jacob.

Bella looked onto her driveway and saw that her ugly/old /beaten/horrible truck was gone! Luckily, the nearest hospital was only fifteen miles away! She began to drag herself like a human centipede (creepiest movie ever made) along the pavement…even though there was grass(stupid Bella..).

She passed a man who was crying and had sprinkles stuck in his eyes. She thought it must have been the notorious sprinkle thrower.

Then, Bella saw Carlisle at a local gay club…awkward.

No one stopped to help Bella, as she made her way through the town of 'Forks'. What kind of name is that, she wondered. She also wondered why no one would help her. Oh. It hit her like Miley Cyrus's car.

Everyone in town hated her. They dreamed of sending her to Jersey Shore. With Snooki.

Meanwhile, Jasper was sitting in his cave. With his best friend…duct tape. He never really understood his strange addiction…but he loved that piece of tape more than Alice.

After three hours, Bella arrived at Forks Fantastic Hospital.

"Bring me a stretcher..I'M IN LABOR," Bella screamed.

"Umm, well. Umm…honestly I don't feel like getting a stretcher for you. Can't you just walk? Or do that weird centipede crawl. I mean you dragged yourself fifteen miles…why not drag yourself twenty more feet?" the nurse replied.

"Well, I guess that makes sense!"

Bella then dragged her limp body into the hospital. The once again refused to give her a stretcher or wheelchair.

"Can I use the elevator!" Bella asked. She then proceeded to sneeze on the nurse.

"You just sneezed on me. Let me think..hmm..hmmm..hm. How about, no? Use the stairs. It's much faster."

The nurse gather all of her friends to watch Bella crawl up the stairs. When she made it to the top fourty five minutes later, they dragged her into a hospital room.

Bella gave birth to six beautiful puppies..

They were…JACOBS?

DUN DUN DUN (Dramatic music)


End file.
